What Happens to a Church When the Members Won’t Grow Up?

The problem for the Church is … the spiritual immaturity of men and of women in the Church, and the lack of guidance they are receiving on how to grow up to spiritual maturity as Catholic Christians.

What happens to a culture when the men refuse to grow up? What happens when no one is left to teach them how to grow up? What happens when the problem extends into the Church?

The situation in secular America is getting serious, according to a recent book by William Bennett, The Book of Man: Readings on the Path to Manhood. ¹ Bennett wrote an article for CNN Online, ² based on his book, and including these observations:

• For the first time in history, women are better educated, more ambitious, and arguably more successful than men.
• In 1950, five percent of men in the prime working age were unemployed. As of last year (2010), 20 percent were not working, the highest ever recorded.
•  The out-of-wedlock birthrate is more than 40 percent in America.
• Men are less religious than ever before. According to Gallup polling, 39 percent of men reported attending church regularly in 2010, compared to 47 percent of women.
• Ask young women about men today. … their prolonged adolescence, and men who refuse to grow up. … “Where are the decent single men?”
• Today, 18- to-34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12- to-17-year-old boys. While women are graduating from college and finding good jobs, too many men are not going to work, not getting married, and not raising families.
• Movies offer stories of men who refuse to grow up or to take responsibility. … Men, some obsessed with sex, treat women as toys.
• Boys need to be guided through advice, habit, instruction, example, and correction, to become men.
• We need to say to many young men, “Get off the video games five hours a day, get yourself together, get a challenging job, and get married.” It’s time for men to man up.

The problem for the Church is not merely the increasing emotional and psychological immaturity of young men generally. More serious, although I suspect related, is the problem of the spiritual immaturity of men and of women in the Church, and the lack of guidance they are receiving on how to grow up to spiritual maturity as Catholic Christians.

We are all called to spiritual maturity—to “perfection”—as Scripture and the Catechism teach: “All Christians in any state or walk of life are called to the fullness of Christian life and to the perfection of charity.” All are called to holiness: “Be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Catechism of the Catholic Church §2013).

Here the word “perfect” (τέλειος, teleios, perfect, complete, mature) points us to the maturity of our human vocation, created as we are in his image. The Catechism emphasizes this call many times, for example:

… Human beings make their own contribution to their interior growth; they make their whole sentient and spiritual lives into means of this growth. With the help of grace, they grow in virtue, avoid sin, and if they sin, they entrust themselves, as did the prodigal son, to the mercy of our Father in heaven. In this way they attain to the perfection of charity (CCC §1700).

It is the work of the Church to so build up the members that all can attain to this, our common vocation, in maturity—the perfection of charity:

…to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood {τέλειος, teleios, perfect, complete, mature}, to the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ; so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the cunning of men, by their craftiness in deceitful wiles. (Eph 4:12-14)

So How Are We Doing? Bernard’s Degrees of Love

Sadly, few parishes—in my limited and humble experience—are taking seriously the work of bringing the members “to mature manhood,” “to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.” Catholic spiritual theology of growth in the spiritual life is well-developed, shown by living examples in the saints, well-described by many holy men and women, and is available today in many written resources. ³ Why is it not being taught and used in adult formation alongside adult-level catechesis of the doctrines and moral teachings of the Church? Sadly, precious little of any adult formation is taking place. We are becoming a church of spiritual children raising spiritual children. ⁴ Pope Francis is warning us of the inward preoccupations of the spiritually immature. He recently said, “We need to come out of ourselves. … We need to avoid the spiritual sickness of a Church that is wrapped up in its own world: when a Church becomes like this, it grows sick.” ⁵

Maybe, it would help if we gained a clearer view of the path of progress that we ought to be walking, in our journey of discipleship. Catholic theology, and the experience of the saints, describe for us a journey of stages in the spiritual life. We all know of the normal physical, rational, and emotional path of maturity of a human being: child to adolescent to adult. There is, we have learned, an analogous spiritual path to maturity in the interior life of the soul, a journey in stages: beginning in the purgative stage, one ought to grow and progress to the illuminative stage, and continue growing to the perfection—the spiritual “adulthood”—of the unitive stage.

Our call from God is to the perfection of charity—divine love—love for God because of who he is, and love for others because of God, and in God. To begin to understand the stages involved in the process of growing toward this perfection, this spiritual “adulthood,” let’s consider a 12th-century contribution from one of our many holy saints. St. Bernard of Clairvaux observed and described for us many centuries ago, the stages of four “degrees of love.”

1. Bernard’s first degree of love is prior to conversion, and thus before baptism and the gift of theological charity. The man is an unbeliever, and his love is self-centered. The person loves what is good for him—what benefits him and pleases him, that which is subjectively satisfying.  For such a person, holy charity—love for God because of who God is, and love for others because of God and in God—is not a reality because God is not a reality for him, or within him.

   Are such people present as members in the Church? As we know, unforgiven mortal sin darkens the soul of a believer to the extent of elimination of charity! Even the potency of charity, given an infant at baptism, is now lacking in such an adult. Such a person has profound need of repentance and return to the state of grace, for his soul is in mortal danger. Such a person could well have fallen into the category of “practical atheist,” who would intellectually agree that “God exists,” but for whom God is irrelevant. There is no interior communion in his soul with the living God, in whom is our life.

2. Bernard’s second degree of love comes with grace, and the discovery of the living God. This then will become the beginning stage of discipleship for the believer. The man discovers in God the best of things that are good for him! He realizes that God is essential to his good, and among the other good things that benefit him and please him, God is the most beneficial! This is a radical and good development in the soul although certainly it ought not be the end of the story. Here, the person “loves God, but not for God’s sake, but selfishly.” ⁶ Yet, this is the beginning of the virtue of charity and life in the soul. The soul here is, however, mixed. This man’s love for God is “mercenary,” but God, loving Father that he is, is patient with the self-centered love of a little child.

   Are there such persons in the Church? Most certainly. Bernard’s second degree of love—the very beginnings of the life of grace in the person—is identified with the classic and traditional stage of the interior life called the Purgative Stage, or the Stage of the Beginner. This stage has distinct and identifiable marks that are seen in the person’s prayer life, his dominant spiritual concerns, and particular dangers to be avoided. We will return to this later.

3. Bernard’s third degree of love can come after some time of pursuing more and more the things of this God who is good for him: he begins to learn more and more the goodness of this God as he is. The man discovers and realizes that this God is truly great and is supremely good in himself. The man discovers the great and divine truth, beauty, and goodness of God in himself, independent of the subjective and personal good that God proved to be for him, personally.

   Bernard wrote: But when, in truth, on account of his own necessity, he has begun to worship and come to Him, again and again, by meditating, by reading, by prayer, and by being obedient, little by little, God becomes known to him through experience, in a sort of familiarity; and, consequently, he grows more lovable, and, thus, by tasting how sweet the Lord is (cf. Ps 34:9), he passes to the third degree so that he loves God now, not for his own sake but for Himself. ⁷

   Are there such persons in the Church? Most certainly. Bernard’s third degree of love—the second and “progressing” stage in the life of grace—is identified with the traditional stage of the interior life called the Progressing or Proficient Stage, or the Illuminative Stage, in Catholic spiritual theology. This stage has distinct and identifiable marks that are seen in the person’s prayer life, his dominant spiritual concerns, and particular dangers to be avoided. We will return also to this, later.

4. Bernard’s final, and fourth, degree of love reveals the perfection of charity for a human person. Here, the man who was in the second and Progressing Stage, following faithful growth in what is of God, and interior death to what is not, the great and divine beauty of God becomes clear and pure in him. The supreme goodness of God is seen and loved above all things, to the filling of the man’s heart and mind. The person comes to love God above all else, even above himself and his own life. God is all in all. Here is heroic virtue even unto martyrdom if charity and faithfulness require it. This fourth degree of love described by Bernard is now seen to be the final and third stage of the interior life, the Stage of the Perfect, or Unitive Stage, in Catholic spiritual theology. Bernard, in personal humility, wrote of this stage,

Surely, he must remain long in this state {the previous third degree of love}; and I know not whether it would be possible to make further progress in this life to that fourth degree and perfect condition wherein man loves himself solely for God’s sake. Let any who have attained so far bear record; I confess it seems beyond my powers. ⁸

Again, the question arises: are there such persons in the Unitive Stage in the Church today? Are there holy saints in the Church today? Most certainly there could be, even in our local parishes.  This Unitive Stage also has distinct and identifiable marks that are seen in the person’s prayer life, his dominant spiritual concerns, and dangers to be avoided. We will return also to this, later.

The Three Stages of the Interior Life: The Purgative Stage

The Purgative Stage, corresponding to Bernard’s second degree of love, is, thus, the beginning of the Christian life of grace. It is a time for purgation, cleansing, and separation from the former ways of the old man, the unbeliever, in Bernard’s first degree of love. The beginner must turn away from all sin, turn to the Lord Jesus Christ, and strive to remain close to him. He must guard the grace he has received. In this stage, the active effort of the person for his sanctification is essential. But also he needs to be exhorted and encouraged to do what is right, to go to the means of grace, and to stop all sin. The beginner needs such counsel, and needs to strive to follow it.

This is the time for disciplined growth in prayer. ⁹ Ascetical prayer is characteristic of this stage, and ought to advance and deepen as time proceeds, from vocal prayer (both formula and spontaneous), into discursive meditation, ever growing in the knowledge and love of God, and in personal relationship with him.

The beginner must seek to follow Jesus as the first disciples followed Jesus, in a simple and childlike way, in ready obedience, remaining with him even as the scandal of the cross gets nearer and nearer.

The Illuminative Stage

If the person perseveres and grows in his beginning stage, troubling and strange times can come upon him: what John of the Cross calls the dark night of the senses, and bursting upon the soul, the mystical prayer of infused contemplation. Persons here need spiritual advice from learned—and one hopes—experienced guides. For those who persevere, new light has come into the soul, the way of illumination has begun, and thus the Illuminative Stage has been entered. The radically different experiences in prayer, experiences of infused contemplation, bring a totally new relationship with God, and totally new demands upon his Christian response.

Unfortunately, many may not persevere or continue through the trying crisis of the times of darkness. One spiritual writer, in a short but full synthesis of the work of John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila, asserted that most people never advance out of the beginning stage: “This is the stage at which the majority of Christians remain all their lives, sad to say, so that purgatory has to accomplish what they left undone on earth.” ¹⁰

This new stage of relationship with God is manifested through, as was said, radical changes in prayer and by the radical experience of the “second conversion.” This stage corresponds to Bernard’s third degree of love, of which he wrote, “by meditating, by reading, by prayer and by being obedient, little by little, God becomes known to him through experience, in a sort of familiarity.” It is this experiential fact of God met in prayer that radically transforms both prayer and life to one in the illuminative stage.

Persons in this stage hear the call to a deeper and complete following of Christ, an interior conformity to him. We are called to imitate him and those who are like him, the saints. We must have his sentiments, his passion, his self-donation, his love.

Besides the deeper interior nature of this stage of conversion is the uniquely passive nature of it, contrasted with the active purgation of the beginning stage. This work is the work of God, through the gifts of the Holy Spirit, given at the beginning (at baptism). This is not to say that the person is called into passivity: it is essential that the person actively cooperate with the Spirit, and to receive from him the inner formation which he is accomplishing.

The Unitive Stage

Entrance to this final stage is less dramatic, in a sense, than that to the prior one: it is more hidden and interior; the work of God in the soul is most intimate. This stage is the perfection of what was begun in the illuminative way, as Bernard’s fourth degree of love is the perfection of the third. This, the “third conversion,” brings to the disciple the completeness, the perfection, of his formation in Christ. Such a soul has come to the habit of holiness, finally fit to be a living witness to the Gospel.

In the unitive way, the enlightened Christian “lives in a union that is, so to speak, continual with Christ.” ¹¹ The unitive way, Fr. Garrigou-Lagrange writes, is the normal prelude to the beatific vision. ¹² In this third stage, an anonymous nun writes that the identification with Christ has become complete: “…they would be ready to die for God and cheerfully; they feel completely detached from the world if they could only gain God. That is the sign of this stage, along with conscious union with his will in daily life. …” ¹³

Perhaps, at the entrance to this stage, or, perhaps, embodied within it, is the severe trial and purgation of the second dark night described by John of the Cross, the night of the spirit. There is much that could be said of this profound darkness, and the profound intimacy with Christ of this Unitive Stage, but we must be brief. More can be learned in the references cited at the beginning of this article.

Conclusion

Christ calls us to intimacy with him, and to a share in his life, love, and holiness. How are we to respond to him? God designed natural life to grow through stages—childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. God also designed the supernatural life of the soul, the interior life, to grow in stages—and there are no shortcuts. He has called us to the perfection, the fullness and maturity of holy charity! By his grace, we can respond to his call, one step at a time. But, we need to learn of, and understand, the steps, the process, his path, so that we can live it.

So many in the Church know nothing of the process of spiritual growth that God has designed for our souls! So many know nothing of the journey of growth in prayer. It is not fitting for men to cling to the toys of boys and their pastimes! Nor is it fitting for Catholics to cling to immaturity and remain as children all their lives. Aim higher! Seek him! And he will be found.

We need to be formed in prayer and the interior life, so that we can grow in him. Of course, more generally, we need adult formation: doctrinal, moral, sacramental, and spiritual. Our need is to grow up into the mature man or woman that God first intended us to become. What happens to a Church when the members do grow up? Ah, that will be a glorious day!